Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls. Children of all ages. My name is Jared Muller, and today I welcome you to my blog. For those who are new, once again welcome. Take your coat or poncho off and stay a while. For those who follow me on a regular basis, welcome back to THE GREATEST BLOG IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! (Because it’s my world. *wink*) That’s just a joke for new viewers and readers because seriously we are at the bottom of the popularity board where we belong… AND I LOVE IT!

Today, we will be talking all about a date.

No dear viewer, it is not one of candles and flowers, and dancing into the night for hours. I am talking about a date as in one on the calendar. This date is a date so infamous, so regal, so intensely mind blowing that the sheer weight of its importance cannot even fathom how truly remarkable it is, and thus forth it cannot dare be spoken in English out of sheer disrespect and irreverence. The date in question is known as “Cinco de Mayo”.

For those of you who don’t know, Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday that, like most minor holidays from other countries, America… borrowed. It is celebrated every Mayo 5^th, and it is only 1/5^thas cool as Vienticinco de Mayo. And oh, how the stars align. We’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo on the infamous Taco Tuesday. Isn’t that special. I mean, how amazingly coincidental did we have to get for this immaculate holiday to have fallen on such an ironically placed day.

How am I celebrating the most grandiose and festive day of the year, you may ask? I, your illustrious author, am celebrating by blogging as well as writing 5 other papers in my official quality made Hispanic poncho and Luchador Wrestling Mask that me and my friends got from Old Town, San Diego California on our Senior Trip. (It’s a large Hispanic tourist community over there.) Later I might eat some tacos. Who really knows at this point.

Speaking of Old Town, San Diego California, I looked it up and they are doing this amazing and festive holiday of Cinco de Mayo all wrong. How could they possibly be doing that? They must surely know how to celebrate their own holiday right? Well isn’t that cute, BUT IT’S WRONG!!! They are actually celebrating the un-national treasure that is Cinco de Mayo in September. Thanks to the virus, they’re not even celebrating Cinco de Mayo on the 5^thof Mayo! Like that is ridiculous. I expected better from a group of probably well-intentioned strangers. If I can grow a mustache (which I am not a fan of due to it making me look creepy) in honor of this sacred event, then by all means they can take a break from their cowering in fear. 

Where is my Fiesta?! 

            Ok, so it turns out that between now and like a month ago they seemed to have gotten their act together. So tonight, there will not be any dancing in the streets, but there will be an online fiesta. I will not be watching it because of all of the work, but I will be wearing all that I can in order to celebrate.

You know what would be fun you viewers and readers? A piñata. A classic piñata. A very fun and festive colorful and candy filled piñata. It’s too bad I can’t run out to the store and buy one, you know, because of the world ending super virus, but I think that we’re really missing out here. In fact, I haven’t had a swing at a piñata since my 18^thbirthday party. And that my dear viewers and readers is a crying shame.

 An injustice in fact!

Viva la piñata smashers!

*starts to fidget* I don’t know guys… If I don’t get a piñata soon I might just have to settle for the closet thing I find. I might just start swingin’ away. Or maybe I’ll take a bat to the head at the guy who made the world miss out on helping fund Taco Bell (not sponsored in any way.) for the next cinco years or so. 

Everybody around the world and the inter-webs, grab your poncho and sombrero equivalent, and join hands together as we sing La Cucaracha and the piñata song for the greatest holiday to ever come out of assumably Latin America: CINCO DE MAYO!!!

 So, my dear viewers and readers, while you are hopefully reading this while eating a taco or burrito, I want you to remember that Cinco de Mayo isn’t just Spanish for 5^thde Mayo or Cinco of May, it’s about borrowing holiday and a culture from a culture that isn’t ours. It’s about unity with our neighbors to the south. And it is about Fiesta! OLÉ!